I've only been to the gym a couple time since Christmas since when my husband and kids are on holiday schedules, I prefer to be spending time with them. However everyone returns to their regularly scheduled programming this morning and I know it's that it's that time of the year when my gym is going to be very crowded with a bunch of new year's resolution folks all trying to shed the pounds. The sad part is that nearly all of those people will quit by Valentine's Day. At the end of 2012 I myself had much the same ambitions. I was all, "I was this size when I came into my twenties and I want to leave my twenties the same way!" Something changed between Christmas and New Year's Day, though. My husband has ALWAYS told me that he loves me the way I am. That I'm beautiful and attractive to him just the way I am. He's supported my desires to join a gym and make better eating choices because it's what I wanted to do and they are healthy decisions, but he has never once made me feel like I am anything less than perfection in his eyes. According to the BMI plus calculator on WebMD which takes you height, weight, age, body type, and waist size all into account I'm also totally healthy. It just clicked in me one day:
If I am healthy the way I am now, and my husband is totally into me the way I am now, then why isn't that good enough for me? Who am I trying to impress? And furthermore, what type of message am I sending to my daughter by saying that being healthy and being attractive to your spouse isn't enough?
I know my daughter is only 4 months old and not really aware of things like that yet, but it's still something I want to be on guard about. I don't want her to grow up with me teaching her that it's not enough to be healthy. For months now, really even since before she was born, I have been telling myself that I refuse to buy any new clothes what so ever until I am at my goal weight/measurements. It's almost like I'd been punishing myself. It's like I was telling myself that I don't deserve to have anything nice and new that I really love because I'm not as small as I used to be. The funny thing about that is that when I was a size 2 I could never find clothes that I really loved because I was more of a juniors size and body type and I didn't then and don't now want to look like a teenager! It was so hard to look like the mature wife and mother that I am when I was that small. I had exercised all the curves of a womanly figure away and while I loved how fit I was and how great I felt inside, I longed for the curvaceous va va voom figure that I've always wanted. So why on earth was I aiming to make myself miserable in order to gain a body that I wasn't in love with when I had it? It's ridiculous!
I have declared 2013 (for me at least) to be the year of "yes". Yes, I am beautiful the way that I am. Yes, I can have a new skirt, or pair of pants, or dress at this size. I am going to embrace who I am today and the body that I have right now. I'm still going to make better decisions when it comes to food, but if it's one of the kids' birthdays I'm not going to skip a piece of cake for the sake of getting skinny and then pout cause I'm missing out. I'm still going to go to the gym because I just feel better when I have that break in the day that is just for me and I can those endorphins going, but I'm not going to be trying to burn 1,000 calories every time I walk through the doors. I'm going to say yes to being healthy and happy.
Now I know that there are some people out there who maybe do need to lose a few pounds for health reasons, and I say power to you and wish you all the best. But for the other ladies out there who feel the pressure to lose weight just because they aren't at their pre-baby weight anymore or because they aren't the size of a celebrity or runway model, I'd like to ask you to pause and see where you are getting the message that being a size whatever and healthy isn't good enough. Let's all band together and encourage each other to be healthy and love each other as the unique shapes that we are whether they are curvy hourglasses, or apples, pears, or rectangles. Let's learn how to love ourselves where we are NOW in the new year.